A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

Despite the all-encompassing nature of the word kink, it’s likely to make many minds drift to the stereotypical whips and latex that are typically associated with BDSM.

Whilst being kinky certainly isn’t reserved for those engaging in BDSM, there’s no denying that BDSM itself is, indeed, a very kinky act. It is, however, unnecessarily stigmatised by many, which has left countless curious individuals in the dark when it comes to getting started in the world of BDSM.

The sexperts at Satisfied Box, a monthly subscription service that discretely sends a range of exciting sex toys and other sexy gifts directly to your door, have provided their considerable insight into beginner’s BDSM.

Before we go any further, it’s important to make a couple of things clear. Firstly, BDSM is not exclusively the aggressive sexual act that porn frequently makes it out to be. If that’s what you’re into; then great! Power to you! But it’s important to dismiss the common misinterpretation that this, alone, is BDSM – it can turn a lot of beginners off before they’ve even given it a chance.

Secondly – perhaps the most important thing to remember when engaging in BDSM (and any sexual act for that matter) – is that communication is absolutely vital. Keep reading to learn more about what BDSM is; the importance of communication and consent; and how a beginner can aim to get started!

What Is BDSM?

Believe it or not, there is quite a debate over what the acronym of BDSM actually stands for. Take a look at the popular derivations below:

  • B&D – Bondage and Discipline
  • D&S – Dominance and Submission
  • S&M – Sadism and Masochism

The important thing, however, is not the exact definition of BDSM, but the understanding that there should be no pressure to engage in all of the above. Of course, there’s nothing restricting you and a partner from doing so (assuming you both consent), but you may prefer to pick and choose which elements you would like to try. It’s entirely dependent on you and your partner’s preferences. All couple dynamics are different, and communication will be essential in discovering how kinky you would like to be.

Communication and Consent

A foundation of communication and consent is crucial in building the trust that is required to comfortably engage in BDSM with a partner. The following community guidelines seek to establish and enforce these concepts:

  • SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual)
  • RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

If you’re going to take anything away from this article, we hope it’s the guidelines above. We can’t stress enough just how important they are. No matter how light and playful the form of BDSM you’re engaging in is, there will always be risks of both physical and mental harm present when engaging in this erotic practice. It doesn’t matter what toys, tools or techniques you’re using, it’s vital that both you and your partner have your own and each other’s safety in mind.

BDSM for beginners

Suggesting BDSM To Your Partner

No matter how comfortable you feel with your partner, sharing your sexual desires can still be incredibly daunting. The risk of judgement is almost certainly at the forefront of your mind when broaching this kind of topic with a partner – especially considering society has deemed BDSM so worthy of judgement.

Despite the pre-perceived difficulty, however, communication is the first step you need to take. Bear in mind that the longest and happiest relationships depend on honest, kindhearted communication. Consider the following: as BDSM requires a good level of trust with your partner to begin with, if you don’t feel as though this is a desire you can comfortably broach with them, then perhaps it isn’t something that should be introduced to your relationship. If a strong level of trust is already present, however, then judgement shouldn’t be an issue.

Remember, you don’t have to be so direct and to the point that you simply ask them whether they’re interested. You can… but this might not really get them in the right mood. Perhaps it would be worth mentioning after watching a particularly kinky film together? Or, you could even open the discussion by asking them to divulge any of their own unexplored kinks or fantasies. Just don’t forget, for BDSM to be a viable option in the bedroom, both parties need to be invested in the act. Nobody should feel pressured into doing something they aren’t comfortable with; or feel as though they are only doing it because their partner wants to. Both you and your partner must be open with your feelings towards the kink at all times.

Getting Started With BDSM

It’s worth mentioning, again, that BDSM does not exclusively rely on the cliche whips and latex outfits that many associate with it. You can go as far as sexually humiliating each other in your personal sex dungeon (if the mood takes you), but alternatively, you may like to start with something a little tamer. In fact, if you examine the regular sexual habits of your relationship, you may be surprised to find that a bit of BDSM crops up here and there…

Do you and your partner ever scratch or bite each other in the heat of passion? Or maybe pin each other down to the bed? You might even experiment with some light spanking – most people do every now and then! Well, all of this falls into the broad category of BDSM, albeit quite lightly. If you feel comfortable with any of the above, then getting a bit kinkier should feel like a natural progression. Tying each other up or investing in some handcuffs might be the next stage. You could also try out some hair pulling, or perhaps try biting and spanking a little harder. As long as everyone involved is consenting and having fun, then you’re on the right track. But perhaps it would be worth coming up with a safe-word, just in case!

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